Congrats Felix!

On the Discourse of Prejudgments and the English Language

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Preface: I recently read this article on VICE. I guess any tirade or rant can get published easily these days.

While I have officially been hired on at my new company and have a "new job", I still am (in title anyway) a Technical Support Representative.

My current boss's comments about me are very similar to my former's. They both recognize that I know what I'm doing and good at doing it. They both made the same comment about me when it comes to troubleshooting and finding solutions, namely that I find them rather quickly. The downside, though, is that sometimes I will interrupt the customer or stop them in their tracks to do so (sometimes prematurely).

Excuse me while I put on my stand-up comedian hat for a moment and begin my spiel.

Well I'm sorry; I would venture to say that there *are* times where it's acceptable to make that prejudgment/make that call and live with it. This is particularly true as far as the English language is concerned. There are moments where it is pretty evident how the path of a conversation is going to go.

Boss: Can I see you in my office? NOW, please?

Critic: With all due respect...

Friend: No offense, but...

"Friend" you haven't talked to in forever and suddenly calls you up: So listen...

Significant other: We need to talk...

Significant other: So I've been thinking...

The awkward coworker/classmate: I was wondering if...

And finally, my personal favorite:

Customer: Hi Support!

Maybe I can't predict exactly what they are going to say next, but you don't have to be Charles Fucking Xavier to know that this is simply not going to end well.

It does not really require 180 IQ points to know that your boss is expecting you to pack up your bobbleheads and red stapler; the critic thinks you are a talent-less hack; your friend thinks you are an idiot or wants to ask for a favor; your significant other wants to kick you to the proverbial curb; your coworker/colleague is about to ask you to fulfill some outrageous request; the customer wants you to resolve some issue.

I mean, do I really need to do that awkward back-and-forth dance to ask them to clarify themsevles so that I could get a "full understanding of the issue"? The answer is simple: No; I do not. I completely understand the idea of not wanting to step on anyone's toes...BUT GODDAMN IT! Let me just take the lead on this one and git 'er done!

I believe I possess enough common sense to know what to expect next. We can draw our own conclusions based off the schemas we have intact. I would posit that would be the reason we have schemas derived from memories and experiences in the first place! There are some things we just know. I wouldn't even call these "assumptions" considering how high our confidence intervals are regarding these types of situations. After all, it's precisely due to these wishy-washy, indecisive, ambivalent feelings that got us into the Iraq War!

Okay, okay, okay. I realize that I perhaps took this stand-up comedian thing a little too far with that last comment (read: sudden inexplicable and irrelevant outburst).

I just want to stress the point that some things will inevitably reverberate towards one direction; they are so clearly S-P-E-L-L-E-D O-U-T that it needs no further elucidation.

Le. Sigh.

Sincerely,

Your Lowly Technical Support Rep

PS: You really think I will drop everything I am currently doing simply because you flagged your case as urgent and high priority? Sorry, buddy. That doesn't really work...especially given the fact that I looked up all your past cases and all of them are categorized as such. So while I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, I do flip thy middle finger at you.....sir.

/End rant